Overwhelmed

Man, what a day. Nothing bad has happened, and I am in a very good mood, but I am so overwhelmed with life in general right now. I suppose it's because after moving out here to Cali, I have literally been doing nothing. My schedule looked like this: wake up, (maybe) work out, work (or hunt for a job, when I first got here), sit around, play on the computer, sleep. Now it seems like - in the matter of a week - I have something coming at me from every angle. I am not exactly stressed, though. God is being so good in giving me a peace and understanding that only He can give me. I know He will see me through, but I still have so much on my mind. Until today, I did not know it was possible to be overwhelmed, but not stressed.

Where do I start? First, school started back yesterday. I'm taking strictly online classes at Darton, since it'd be slightly inconvenient to take them on campus. My financial aid has not hit, and that has to take place for me to get a check. I was worried about books - I mean, how do they expect us to buy books without that money? - since I have a part time job & Chase is in the military. We're not exactly rich. But God provided, like He promised He would. I have the Hope scholarship, so that's covering tuition, but we need to send in some of Chase's tax forms that we can't even find. It's not something we HAVE to do, necessarily, but it would basically give us a good chunk of money that we could definitely use. Secondly, Chase is being deployed March 9th. There are 2 pre-deployment leaves he can take: Feb. 6-19 or Feb 20-Mar 5. We're trying to decide which one is best for us to take. During those 2 weeks, we'll be moving me and my belongings back to GA, and Chase will be saying his goodbyes to family, friends, and me. So I've got the move and the deployment on my mind. Also, I have to tell my boss I'm leaving, and she's having another photographer leave in a week, so I'm sure it'll stress her. I feel bad, but what can I do? Then I went to the gym and the group fitness manager there asked me if I would like to start teaching a class on Thursdays. I had to tell him that I'm moving back home, and that SUCKED. I love teaching Body Combat, and it kills me to just take the class and not teach it. Then when I finally have the opportunity to have a class of my own, I'm moving. Lastly, I've just been feeling convicted lately. I can tell that God is trying to mold me and form me into who He wants me to be, but it feels so chaotic on the inside, ya know? I've been feeling kind of lost. It's like right when I'm settling in here and starting to get used to it, I'm moving back home. But it's just for 7 months, so when I get settled in there, I'll be moving back here. I've been reading a lot and I can't quit thinking about all these things having to do with God and Christianity. I'm just trying so hard to get closer to Him - to understand Him just a little bit better and understand what He wants from me just a little bit better, but I still have no clue. I'm still just as far as I was months ago. Or at least that's how I feel. I am finishing up my Associates degree this semester, but still have no clue what I wanna do, what college to go to next, if I want to try to go to college while I'm in GA or just wait til I'm back here, or even what to major in. I can't, for the life of me, figure out my spiritual gifts and what God wants from me. I guess I'm just looking for my purpose, and I'm frustrated.

So, all of this word vomit that I just spilled out in this post is a little bit of what is going on in my mind. It's very jumbled and probably incomprehensible, but that's pretty much what my brain feels like right now. I know God will provide - He always does - and I know it's all in His hands, but can't there just be a huge neon sign out my window that plainly states what I'm here for and what I'm supposed to do?